I Am American...

This is such a loaded statement. It means so much, whether we want it to or not. We have no idea how privileged we are sometimes, yet all we seem to do is complain. Today I found myself being a bit arrogant and nationalistic, although it was done unconsciously. Here's the story...

I had a tutoring session with a 23 year old girl today. She is working on her oral English because she has to take this big test in order to study abroad in Australia. Her English is quite good, and she comprehends most of what I say, but her pronunciation is a little off. Anyway, for these sessions I have to ask her interview type questions, and some of them happen to be quite difficult, quite deep. So...we got on the topic of the "one child policy," which led to multiple discussions about abortion, adoption, Chinese law, and finally morality. I was appalled at some of the things that I heard today, but I desperately tried to conceal my disgust with more questions and comparisons. Now here is where it gets a little tricky. I continued to compare America and China, as if they were equals...but the reality is, they're not. Josephine, the girl I was tutoring, had to remind me of this by saying, "Well, we can’t compare everything to America because China is still a developing country." And that's when it hit me! She's right!

At that moment, when my stomach started to eat my throat, I realized that I, despite my best efforts, was still trying to change China into America. That's the LAST thing I wanted to be doing here. I wanted to comfortably explore and indulge in Chinese culture, not American culture! In fact, I have a HUGE problem with people that try to do just that. Cultures are different for a reason. They are all unique and beautiful, and should stay that way. If all countries were the same, there would be no reason to travel. I discovered that I had bruised my own heart by falling into the same pattern that so many others had before me: pretension.

We, as American, have such high standards, that anything below that line is inexcusable, despicable, and immoral. Whatever adjective you choose to use to describe its iniquity...its still sub par. And in reality, we are arguably the best country in the world. This, in theory, means that all other countries are less privileged than we are. So...what gives me the right, for even one second, to look through my elitist, glossy, green American eyes, and judge the Chinese culture? Now I believe that it's one thing to judge an individual based on poor choices, but to judge an entire nation because their government doesn't agree with me on human rights? That's simply unfair.

I've tried so hard to be a spectator here, but it can get difficult at times. It can be so difficult not to impose your thoughts onto others. I mean, I'm an American! That's what we do! However, that's not what we're called to do. I think that I am lucky enough to be able to appreciate what I have been given. Not by choice, but by birth. I am a white, American girl that gets gawked at and envied everyday that I live in China. I am a white, American girl that has the opportunity to leave the States whenever I please, and go anywhere I please. I am a white, American girl that finds silly things to complain about everyday, even thought it was my choice to move here. I am a white, American, 23 year old girl that has seen half of the world, and still I have no idea how blessed I am to be a white, American girl.