No Longer Newborn

3/30/25

No Longer Newborn

I’m folding up some of your newborn clothing that you no longer need. I’m packing it into a gallon size Ziplock bag, holding back tears. Youre almost 8 weeks old now. You’ve grown. You’ve moved on from your most fragile state. We’ve kept you safe and healthy thus far. You are so gorgeous and loving. I cherish our quiet moments together and can’t imagine it being any other way. I find myself sad…scared that I’ll forget these beautiful moments, scared that you’ll be 15 before I know it. Scared you’ll be 32 and married. Time passes so fast. It’s the only thing we have and can’t get back. I struggle with the idea that I have to go back to work. I want nothing more than to spend all the time I can with you – watching your every milestone, smiling and crying with you. But right now, that doesn't seem to be a financial possibility. I promise that I’ll do everything in my power to make that a reality. To be home with you as much as possible.

Before you were born, I worked a lot. I mean A LOT. I was working 5-6 days a week up until your birth. And my shifts are long, usually 10-14 hours. But you’re more important than the money. As long as we can get by and take a vacation every few years, I’ll be happy. I hope to work from home soon or figure out a plan to make more passive income.

I try to take photos of you daily. I've forgotten a few times already, but I get one or more most days. I want these to remind me of how little you once were - How dependent you are on us, how much you loving being close to me. And I love being close to you. I realized the other day that you've already grown so much when I noticed that your socks are now tight on you. The larger size used to just fall right off, but now they don't.

You've changed me. Everything I've known and valued, doesn't come close to what I feel for you. I would give up almost anything to ensure your safety and happiness. Your dad and grandma think I'm crazy, but that's ok. Homemade non-toxic laundry soap. Pre-washed and organic cotton clothing. Cloth diapers to limit and chemicals that would try to enter your body. Anything for my beautiful baby boy. When you cry, I come running. When you fuss, I wrap you around my body and rock you to sleep. When you sleep, I visit often just to make sure you're still breathing. Anything for you, my love. 

Maybe I'll have you read this when you're older. Maybe not. But for now, know that I love you and always will. I pray for you - that you'll be a strong man in Christ, that you'll know how to be a protector and provider, that you'll learn to love and be loved with grace, and that you'll find the most amazing wife that makes you want to be a parent some day. Cause let me tell you...it's the best!